Posts Tagged: social work

9. Trying to Hide my Brokenness

On January 2, 2020 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

Since leaving my career in social work, I have come to realize how unhealthy I was emotionally. While I was in it, especially in the last year, I knew life was hard but I thought I was dealing with it ok.  If you had asked me, “how are you doing?”  I would have probably say “ok” or “good” and I truly believed that.  The funny thing I thought I was carrying it well and that I was fooling the people around me. But in all reality I was not doing well and I was not fooling those that were around me especially those that were the closest to me.  And when you are not doing well emotionally, there are signs that begin to show physically and emotionally.

Physically, I did not have the energy that I needed to get everything done that was needed to get done.  I have been told by friends that I had a glaze in my eyes especially at the end of my career in social work.  And that I looked like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders; that I carried myself in a slouched manor.  Weeks after I left my career in social work, I personally noticed that my eyes seemed to be brighter.  And I had so many people compliment on my eyes.  I thought it was amusing because my eye color had not changed.  About a month after I quit, I had a friend who was talking to me and in the middle of this conversation, he stopped and said ” you have really pretty eyes.  Its like they are glossier than normal eyes and I can see joy in your eyes.”

For me emotionally, I would have crying spells and not knowing why.  Or things would not get done that needed to get done or they would take me twice as long as they would.  I did not have the ability to focus on things like I should have.  It took me 5 months after, I started therapy to admit that I was depressed.  Even to this day, it is hard for me to admit that.  I know that is crazy but it is the truth.  I know some of this is because of the stigma depression carries in our society.  And the other part is that I was the person who was helping others through their life trials and emotional illnesses.  I was the one who was the strength and the advocate for others as a social worker.  It was hard to admit that I, the pillar for others, was just as broken as the person I was helping.  I was just broken in a different way.

Reality is, that we all have something that we are struggling with no matter where you are at in life and what your economic status is.  Economic status is not the only definition of poverty.  Poverty is the lack of resources in these areas of your life: financial, language (ability to speak in formal register), emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, relationships/role models and knowledge of middle class hidden rules(this is according to Dr. Ruby Payne).  I look at this list and last year I was impoverished in more than one area of my life.

So no matter how much I tried to hide my poverty and brokenness, it still came out in ways that I could no longer hide.  Maybe if I had to be willing to admit this sooner, I might of not gone through everything I went through.  But reality is that some of these things were going to happen no matter either way because some of them were out of my control and others needed to happen for me to reach the end of my rope.  And once I reached the end of my rope, I was willing to trust God to lead my life.  I was no longer trying to figure things out because I did not have the energy to.  I was just resting in His presence because that was all I could do.

Life is a journey and it is in this journey that we walk through some valleys and mountain tops.  And no matter whether we are in the valley or the mountain top there will be storms that we are going to weather.  It will be hard to weather these storms but you don’t need to do it alone.  God is right there with us as we walk through this journey called life.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

“Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

So if you are not doing well, be willing to admit it and reach out to someone who can help you through it.  Sometimes this is God, a friend or a licensed counselor.  If you need a counselor, look for a counselor in your area or check out Open Path Collective.  Admitting you need help is not a weakness but a strength.

 

 

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

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Meet Marilyn

On July 13, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

I realized that I never did an introduction blog post about me.  So here it is; along with an announcement about some changes that are coming to the blog.

My name is Marilyn.  I am the creator of this blog and Marlo & Co.

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Photo credit: Acorns + Aperture

I am an aunt to a small tribe of nieces and nephews.  They keep me young and love to hang out with me.  I love creating memories with them.

I am a business owner of Marlo & Co.  I love to celebrate stories.  I identify myself as a photographer and storyteller.  I love to hear other people’s stories and love to capture them.  I believe that everyone has a story to tell and that their story matters.  My favorite way I do this is through my Rocking Chair Story Session.  This is a session where I get to sit down and listen to a senior’s story then capture it in a book that is created just for them.

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My love for seniors started at a young age.  My great grandparents lived with my grandparents.  I look back at the memories that we made and love that I got to spend time with them as a child.  Once of my memories is asking my great grandfather to hold a doll for us while we played.  He hated this doll.  We knew this and I think we did this to see the look of annoyance on his face.

If you have been following this blog for anytime, this blog talks about my faith and relationship with God.  This is one of the most important relationships that I have in my life.  I am grateful that the Creator of the universe wants to have a relationship with me through Jesus.  And that I do not have to do life alone.  If you want to know more about this, just ask me!

Talking about relationships, I love relationships! I have been created to be a very relational person and love to spend time with those around me.  If you ever meet me in person and or work with me, most likely we will become friends.  I believe we are all created for relationships and community with each other.

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This is one of my favorite people, Danielle, and myself at a concert in the middle of February.

In May 2019, I retired from the social work field.  I was in it for 10.5 years.  I loved every moment of it.  I left the social work field because of burnout.  I did not realize how real and intense burnout can be until I experienced it.  I am still recovering from it.  I have taken time off to just rest in God and to just be.  I am currently writing a blog series on my experience of burnout.  Here is the link for first post in my burnout series.

I am essentially starting all over in life right now.  It is a weird but exciting feeling to be doing this in my mid thirties.  I get to recreate what I want my life to look like.  This is something that not everyone gets the privilege to do so.  Or rather are too scared to do so because of the unknown.  Living in the unknown has its moments but I would not want to be in any other spot than this right now at this moment because God is teaching me valuable lessons that I will carry with me and share with others.

Fun facts about me:

Tacos are my love language!IMG_5208

I love red shoes and red lipstick.

Traveling and exploring new places is one of my favorite things to do. 

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Certified by state of Pennsylvania for floriculture and horticulture. 

My first language/dialect was PA Dutch not English. 

I have a hidden talent of sarcasm and silliness (only comes out when I am comfortable with you). 

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I bought my sister and her family a van for Christmas last year!

I am the oldest of 4 girls.

I am an introvert.

So…. here is my announcement!  I am going to be making some changes to this blog.  I will still write about my relationship with God and what I am learning along the way.  But I am going to add more content.  This content will show more of me as a whole rather than just one side of me.  It will include blog posts from my work as a photographer/storyteller and some fun personal things.  I will include more photos with the blog posts than I do now.  I am excited to share these topics with you!

I want you to do one thing so I can meet you!  Share a fun fact about yourself in the comments so I can get to know you!

 

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5. Joy and Excitement

On June 9, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Joy and excitement … it’s not something that is familiar to me recently or even in the last year.  My feelings in the last year, I think for the most part have been nonexistent/numb to keep status quo or there has been sadness as I process things that had happened or that were going on inside of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had moments of joy and when they happen I try to take note of them.

At church recently we sang a song called “Raise a Hallelujah.”  And I was overcome with joy as we sang this song.

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I had a friend make a comment to me in the last year about my smile.  He said to me “Your smile is different tonight.” I commented back him “I always smile.”  He replied with “Tonight’s smile is different.  It’s been a while since I have seen that smile.”  As we talked about it more, I told him that a sense of joy came the night before and had not left yet.  He wondered if there was anything different that would have caused the joy.  I could not remember anything different that would have caused the joy to come.  But it was refreshing to have it.  In some ways his comment caught me off guard initially.  But it got me thinking how often to I smile and it is a cover up or it’s just something out of habit.  Or how often is my smile a genuine smile.  A smile of happiness, joy and excitement.

Last night we had an amazing sunset and I got to capture it.  And as I was walking back to my car, I caught myself smiling and feeling excited because I knew that I got to witness and capture one of God’s amazing wonders.

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I would have moments of joy at my former job with participants completing their own goals working towards self sustainability.  This is one example a participant found a full time job with benefits that would lead to self sustainability for her and her children eventually.

During this transition of leaving a career that I was in for 10.5 years, the most common question that I got “are you excited for what is next?”  And I would generally reply with “I don’t feel the excitement yet.”  And that is expected when you are leaving something you love. It’s been two weeks since I left my career in social work and I would say the excitement is still not here.

Being excited is living in a place of expectancy and eagerness for what is next.  I live in a place of trust and expectancy for God’s plan for my life even when I do not know the next steps.  And maybe someday the excitement will come but for now I will take the moments of joy that come and live in this place of trust.  It is in this place of trust that I feel safe to continue to process what is going on inside of me even when I do not understand myself.  But I know that I have a Father who knows myself more than I do.  He is leading me through this season of life that seems so unfamiliar to me in some ways but yet so familiar in other ways.

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

 

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4. “I’m tired.”

On June 3, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

“I’m tired.”

These are words that have been coming up over and over again in the last year.  And when I say them tears come to my eyes.  And when I first realized this about a year ago, I had no clue what they meant to me.  I only knew then that it was related to my job.  And I knew that it was not a physical tired but an emotional tired.  I continued to try to sort out what this tiredness meant to me and my career on my own.  I would have moments of vulnerability with friends where I would share what I was experiencing.  But reality is that I could not figure it out.  And as time keep going I become more emotionally tired and I cried much easier than before.  I did not understand the emotions that was experiencing.  I am a person likes to know why and so I do not do well when I am experiencing emotions that I don’t understand.

While this was all going on in me, I kept this persona of a strong and independent woman.  Because I did everything (lived, worked and worshipped) in my community and the role I had in my community as an advocate/social worker; I had to be those things.  Or I believed I had to be.  I was the one that people came to when most were at their lowest point.  My job was to empower them through these moments, show them hope in the hopeless situations and provide resources for them to move forward in life.

While I was doing helping others dream for themselves, inside over time I had quit dreaming.  I had allowed life to stifle my creativity.  I had allowed my own exhaustion to take over when I had down time.   If I did not have plans after work or on the weekends, I would just go home and watch TV.  I was too exhausted emotionally to do anything else.  I would try to work on things and it would take me much longer than it needed to.  I was not motivated to do things that I needed to do once I was home.

October of last year, I decided that I needed to go to counseling since I was not figuring things out on my own.  In the beginning my counselor, asked me if I think I am depressed.  And I would tell her “no because I don’t have what I consider the typical signs of depression.”  It was not until this spring that I was willing to admit that my counselor was right.  When I really looked at what happened and how I coped with things, reality is that I was going through a depression and I did not even know it.  And when I was asked about it, I was not willing to admit it.  There were several reasons as to why I wasn’t willing to admit it.

Part of it was pride – I was the one people come to when they needed help.

Part of it was stigma of society – There is a stigma that society carries about depression and everything that comes with it.

Part of it was that I had to admit that I was weak and that I do not have it all together. – For all my adult life, I had been this strong and independent woman because I had to be.  And admitting that I was depressed was admitting that I am not as strong as I thought because I could not do it on my own.

In this last couple months, I was really honest with myself and where I truly was and am at emotionally.  And I have come to realize that it is ok for me to admit this.  Because when I admit this.  I am admitting that I can not do life alone and that I need my Creator to lead me through this journey.

And that in my darkest moments, He is right there with me.  “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

He has the clarity and direction that I need.  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

He has the provision that I need.  “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

He has this unconditional love that I need.  “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39

He has the peace that I need.  ” Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

He has the joy I need. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11

He has the strength I need. “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; shall run and not be weary; shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

He has a plan for me and my life even in my broken and empty state.  “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

 

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2. Unshakeable Peace

On May 13, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

As emotionally unsettling my last burn out cycle was for me, I still felt peace through it all.  The day that I had my wake up call, there was a peace that was with me.  That day as I talked to different people I felt more peace about what I thought that God was asking me to do.  Most of the people I spoke with that day offered words of encouragement and comfort.  There was a few that gave me permission to make the decision to close a chapter in my life.  The permission was a relief because the last thing I wanted to do is to leave my team at work in a lurch.  This last year has been trying and hard at work and we have been through a lot of transition.  So this would not be an ideal time for me to leave my job.  But there is really no ideal time to leave a job.  By the end of the day, I felt a different level of peace.  I knew that I would be ok no matter what decision I made.

Over the next fews days, as I thought about my future and what God was asking me to do.  I felt this unshakeable peace and I tried to shake it to make sure it is real.  But I couldn’t shake it.  Three days after my wake up call, I woke up feeling a peace that I never felt before.  It was like a heavy blanket of peace over me.  I realized that I did not want to leave this peace.  Under this blanket of peace, I felt at rest even though I did not know what was next.

Three days later, I met with my supervisor and I told her that I will be putting my notice in at work.  Walking away from this meeting I felt a freedom and peace because I knew I was in God’s will and I was at rest.  I didn’t know what was next.  But I knew that God was in it where ever I was headed next after I was done at work.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

There are things that they don’t tell you when you quit your job without a plan of what is next.

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

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1. My wake up call

On May 9, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

In the spring of 2018 I was headed to The Living Room, a young adult church service, I asked God to wreck me that night (be careful what you ask God for).  Boy, He did! During worship I cried through it all. When I thought about my job/career, I just cried and I did not know why.  The only word that came to mind is that I am tired.  God continued to wreck my life in that last year.

In the fall, I had another encounter with God at The Living Room.  I cried through worship again especially when I thought about my job.  But there was nothing in particular that I could pinpoint.  The only thing that came to mind that I was tired.  I did not completely understand what that meant but I knew it was emotionally.

I would talk to co-workers and friends about what I was feeling but not understanding what I was feeling and why.  And every time I talked about it, I would get teary eyed.  I finally decided to go for counseling to help me understand what I was feeling.  It is frustrating when you have feelings but you don’t understand or know where your feelings come from.

These feelings would cycle every couple months.  And each cycle it would get stronger and worse.  My last cycle came at the end of March 2019.  This cycle lasted a couple days with off and on periods of crying.  It ended with a day where it seemed like everything fell apart.  I could no longer keep my front up that everything was ok. I am known as the strong one with my family and friends. I had to be vulnerable with people that are in my life that day because my emotions could not be held in as I had done so many times before. I had to admit that I was struggling. I cried so much that day that I did not think it was possible for me to have that many tears in my eyes and that there would be tears left in my tear ducts.  I remember feeling so broken.

But this day was a wake up call for me.  It was this day that I realized that I was willing to admit that I was experiencing burn out and depression because of the burn out.  That day I realized that I needed to make a change in my life.  Because if I didn’t it would not be healthy for me or for the people that I am serving.

God was present with my through the whole day.  He placed people in my life that took time in their day to stop, listen and pray for me.  I am grateful for the community that He placed in my life to help me get through this day.

One of the things that kept going through my head in this last cycle of burnout, was that I have been in the same career for 10 years, which was social work.  If I didn’t do social work, what would I do? Can I truly start over with my career?  Will I be able to pay my bills if I leave my current job?  Could I actually do it?  Will I fail? Do I have enough of confidence and trust in God to walk away from what I have known for so long?  There were so many questions that kept cycling in my mind over and over again as I thought about maybe starting all over in life again.

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

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Enough

On March 23, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

Ever had God shows you a glimpse of where you are going next? And when He does this for us most of the time our response is to not step into it or even take steps towards it.  Because it is the unknown and most of the time we fear the unknown.  Fear has been my response.  And He has had to give me definite signs time and time again that there is the direction He wants me to go in the last two years.

One of the signs was in 2017, I applied for graduate school and did not get accepted in it.  Granted by the time that I got my answer I was hoping that I would not get accepted because I knew I needed to invest into an idea I had for my business.  Because I knew that if I did not see where it went that I was going to regret it.  In the the last year, I have had multiple opportunities where others invested in my business and me.  Each time it confirmed the direction that He had for me.

But through this all I still struggled with myself and the direction that God has called me to.  I struggled with myself because I love my career in social work and the community I work in.  And I love visual storytelling and photography especially with elderly.  There was this tension between the two because I felt that if I leave social work I am leaving a career that I have built and love for over 10 years.  And I was letting myself and others around me down by leaving social work.  But I knew that if I did not see where my business might go that I was going to regret that and I could not live with that. (I don’t live life with too many regrets.)  Last summer I realized that I could merge the two in my business.  I could do coaching and mentoring with other business owners especially with visual storytelling and photography.

Fear and feelings of inadequacy has been my next struggle when it comes to pursuing my business as a full time gig.  I have stability with my career in social work.  And leaving that stability scares me!  For those that don’t know, I am single.  That means that I am the only bread winner in my household.  I do not have a significant other to fall back on financially if the business would not work out.  So I need to make sure that I when make the transition from social work career to entrepreneurship that I must an revenue that can support me and my business.  When I think of the revenue that is needed for this, fear and inadequacy kicks in overdrive.  This will then paralyzes me to the point that I don’t do anything.  It is then that I realize that I am relying on my own independence (man, independence is a STRONG streak in me! Anyone else have this issue?) and that I am not relaying on Him.  I know that these are struggles that everyone goes through and can identify with.

The last 4 months has been a season that has challenged almost everything in every area of my life.  But the growth that I have had in this season has been tremendous and I am have the deepest relationship with God than I ever have had.  And it would be easy for me to not work on my business in this season because of everything that is going on.  But this season has also confirmed the direction that full time entrepreneurship is something I want and something He has for me in the future.

The other day I was journaling and God told me this “You may feel inadequate or that you are not good enough or that you do not know enough or imposter syndrome is kicking in but I knew all this and I still gave you this dream.  I still gave you a new purpose.  I am enough to conquer all fears, inadequacies and imposter syndrome.  Rely on me because I am enough.  They are all there when you started anything new in life especially in social work. But you relied on me, pushed through those things and did it scared.  Because I am enough it makes you enough to be able to do what I have called you to do next.”

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

These verses show that God’s promised are true and that He wants His best for me.  And that I should not fear when He calls me to new places because He is walking the journey with me, He goes before me and that when I am walking in His purpose for me things will work out according to His will.

When you are called to new things, is your response okay lets go God or is it a response of fear?

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A Decade of Lessons

On September 18, 2018 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

Last week marked 10 years that I am working in social services.  10 years! Wow, I can’t believe its been that long.  Part of me can’t believe I am old enough to have a professional working career that long.  The other part of me can’t believe how fast the 10 years went and feel my age with every ache in my body.

I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into when I started working in social services.  You see I kinda stumbled on this field.  When I was in college, I started out as a business management major.  I loved business and still do to this day but it didn’t feel like the right fit.  I met with a career advisor at my college and I was asked “Would you rather work with people or numbers?”  I can still remember sitting in the office as I answered “people.”  This person introduced me to human services(social services).  I had no idea such a field existed and did not know what to expect but I knew I wanted to work with people.  It was interesting trying to my family what human services was.  I finally just said “I would help people.”

Little did I realize that someone in social services played a huge part in my life.  This person changed the direction my life was going in.  They introduced my family to Milton Hershey School.  And because of this introduction, I was set on a path that allowed me to make better choices for my life.  One of the opportunities that was made available to me was to attend college and get double degrees in business management and human services.  This would most likely not been otherwise.

I remember being very early on in my career thinking 10 years was so far away.  I was not sure how long I would make it in the field..  When I took my first job in the field, I did not know what to expect.  I did not know how much I would grow, the people I would encounter, the stories that would touch my heart, the situations that would break my heart and the friends I would gain.

Here are a few things I learned along the way (Well it ended up being a lot more than a few.)

  • Things are not always as they seem.
  • You can not judge a person by just looking at them and if you do, most likely your judgement will be wrong.
  • Without significant relationship there is no significant change in your life and their life.
  • Building relationships with people can get messy but the rewards are far greater.
  • You have to take time to be present and listen to the person you are with.
  • Listen to the things that are not being said verbally.
  • You have to be willing to hear people out even when they are upset.
  • Remaining calm and listening when someone is upset usually results in them calming down eventually.
  • To be aware and observant of your surroundings.
  • It is better to “Teach a man to fish, because you feed him for a lifetime.” rather than “Giving a man a fish you feed him for a day.”  (Empowering rather than enabling) The quote is from a Chinese Proverb.
  • To do things scared and nervous, eventually they aren’t as scary and nerve racking and rewards are much better than the scared feeling.
  • When to speak up and when to let something go.  Not all battles are worth fighting or are mine to fight.
  • How to advocate and fight hard for someone when the system and or people fail someone.
  • As the person who empowers others, I can not want their change more than they want it.
  • It is better to confront someone directly about an issue that you have with them rather than not confronting it at all or dancing around the tree about the issue.
  • Hurt people hurt people.
  • When people are upset, most likely they are upset at the situation and not you.
  • Not to be so blunt and straightforward.  There is a time when that is needed but most of the time people need a softer approach.
  • To ask questions to help people arrive at their own solutions rather than giving them the solution you think they need.  Often their solution is better than yours. And often they already know the solution that they need.
  • That the process someone goes through is more important than the destination.
  • Tears are created by God when words can not express what breaks your heart.
  • Grief comes in many forms and it is pretty much the loss of anything.  It could include a loss of a person, loss of a relationship, loss of a life they thought they would live but can’t because of a major life change.
  • To not to change my word in the middle of another word, because it could sound like a word that is not appropriate for the work setting.  Thankfully I had a gracious family and they just laughed.
  • Walking the journey with others, looks different for each person.
  • Introduce yourself immediately when you are meeting someone for the first time and you are walking into their home.
  • Everyone’s journey matters

After 10 years, I am a more confident person.  I know who I am.  I know whose I am.  I have a deeper trust in God than I ever have.   I know that God walked this journey even in the hardest moments.  I know that God has given me the grace and the strength to walk this journey of social services for the last 10 years.  I am humbled that God chose me to walk this journey and that my participants have allowed me into their homes and into their lives.  I am grateful for the many lessons I learned along the way and look forward to what else God has to teach me.

 

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The costs of being jaded

On July 6, 2018 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

I have been in social services for almost 10 years and in these 10 years I seen and experienced a lot.  I have gotten to meet many people through the years.  Many I was able to help but more importantly there were many that taught me life lessons.  I think of the man who taught me how to be present and actively listen rather than think of the next thing I am going to say or do  I think of the individuals who have worked so hard to get ahead but life keeps hitting them with hard moments.  But they chose to continue working towards their goals and not allow life circumstances to determine their direction of their life.

As I continued to work in social services, I became jaded.  Webster’s dictionary defines jaded as: fatigued by overwork or made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by having or seeing too much of something.  And I almost wore this jaded filter as a badge of honor.  I thought it was okay to view my clients that I worked with through this jaded filter.  In some ways, I thought I was being wise when I looked at my clients with this jaded filter.  I remember telling a coworker that I can tell she is early on in her career because of the hope and optimism that she has in a situation with a client.

I was on the way to work one morning and someone was talking on the radio about people who are jaded.  And how this jaded filter is not something that we should have.  It caught me by surprise but the more I thought about it, I realized this person was right.

I believe that every decision and belief have reactions with they good, bad or both. And having the jaded filter has reactions in our lives and the lives of those around us.  The problem with being jaded especially in social services, you are indirectly telling that person they are going to fail with what ever they are working towards.  And being jaded causes you to be cynical rather hopeful not only in the lives of our clients but also in our own lives.  Being jaded also has you always looking for the worst in a person or you have the belief that the person will never change.

I think often we adapt this jaded filter because it “protects” us from being hurt or vulnerable with others.  Another thing that happens when you have a jaded filter for a long time is that you quit dreaming for yourself and others.  This keeps most of our relationships more at a surface level and we miss the blessing that can comes from being willing to walk beside someone in their journey.

And the last affect that the jaded filter has, we are deciding the future for the person from our point of view.  We are believing what society, life circumstances or labels say about someone rather than what God says about them and who they are.

When in relationships with people, we need to be wise but we also need to be willing to get vulnerable and show them that their journey matters to us and more importantly to God.  And live in a way that others see that the belief that no one is too far gone and that they can be redeemed by God.  And they can live in the blessings that God has for them.  We are called to build relationships with others and God, walk the journey with them and believe in others even when they do not believe in themselves.

So have you become jaded?  If so what is being jaded costing you and those around you?

 

 

 

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