Posts Tagged: dreams

Pivot

On August 3, 2020 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Marlo & Co, Uncategorized

Earlier this year, when I was working with a mentor on my photography business, I had a realization that I was not expecting or was ready for.  We were talking about a possible opportunity that was being presented to me.  And when I was talking about this possible opportunity, she saw my eyes light up and I had excitement in my voice.  This was not there when I talked about my business/photography.  She was brave and asked me the hard question “Is photography what you want to do for a career?”  And when she asked me, I realized at that moment something was missing for me.  This something that I was missing is part of who I am.  This something was the relational piece.  While some photographers create a long term relationship with their clients, but for me, it seemed like a transaction after having worked in the social service field for so long.  God created me to be a relational person.

The feelings I experienced after this realization was like a gut punch!  What I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my life was no longer what I wanted to do.   And the primary feeling I felt was lost.  This feeling of being lost was somewhat familiar.  I had felt this after I left my job in social work in May 2019.  But the difference between the two, was that this time I felt truly lost.  I did not know what to do or where to head next.  I felt like I was going to be stuck in jobs that did not fulfill who God has created me to be for the rest of my life.  Like I was just going to float through life just existing not thriving.  I had heard of people who hated their jobs and just went because they needed to make ends meet.  I have never hated a job and I did not want to be the case.  I knew that I did not want to live my life existing and that I was created for more but in these moments it felt like just existing was what I was destined to.

Soon after this realization, God planted a seed into my heart and mind of a possible direction that I was meant to go.  He even gave me a framework for a course to go with the idea He gave.  And it would help fill the piece that I was missing in my photography business.

You would think since He gave me the idea and framework for the course, I would have jumped on board with the idea immediately.  But it took me a while to get on board with God.  He waited patiently as grieved what I thought I wanted in life and worked to through my feelings.

Part of what I needed to work through I had put myself in this box and I did not want to be viewed as someone who just changed directions on the whim.  I eventually came to the conclusion that this direction change for me is no different than someone else changing careers.

When I finally got on board with the seed that God planted, it felt right.  I did not feel like I was trying to fit a square into a round hole anymore.  It made sense with what I know about myself and how God created me.  And it was one of the parts of my job that I loved when I was working in social services.

I have always loved seeing the aha moments happen in the process when someone is empowered to dream and creates steps for those dreams, despite their circumstances.  All the while looking at the roadblocks that stand in their way.  This is the seed that God planted in me in March of this year.  This seed will blossom into many beautiful flowers as people are empowered to grow into who they are created to be.

You can find more information on this at Marilyn L Weaver.

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4. “I’m tired.”

On June 3, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

“I’m tired.”

These are words that have been coming up over and over again in the last year.  And when I say them tears come to my eyes.  And when I first realized this about a year ago, I had no clue what they meant to me.  I only knew then that it was related to my job.  And I knew that it was not a physical tired but an emotional tired.  I continued to try to sort out what this tiredness meant to me and my career on my own.  I would have moments of vulnerability with friends where I would share what I was experiencing.  But reality is that I could not figure it out.  And as time keep going I become more emotionally tired and I cried much easier than before.  I did not understand the emotions that was experiencing.  I am a person likes to know why and so I do not do well when I am experiencing emotions that I don’t understand.

While this was all going on in me, I kept this persona of a strong and independent woman.  Because I did everything (lived, worked and worshipped) in my community and the role I had in my community as an advocate/social worker; I had to be those things.  Or I believed I had to be.  I was the one that people came to when most were at their lowest point.  My job was to empower them through these moments, show them hope in the hopeless situations and provide resources for them to move forward in life.

While I was doing helping others dream for themselves, inside over time I had quit dreaming.  I had allowed life to stifle my creativity.  I had allowed my own exhaustion to take over when I had down time.   If I did not have plans after work or on the weekends, I would just go home and watch TV.  I was too exhausted emotionally to do anything else.  I would try to work on things and it would take me much longer than it needed to.  I was not motivated to do things that I needed to do once I was home.

October of last year, I decided that I needed to go to counseling since I was not figuring things out on my own.  In the beginning my counselor, asked me if I think I am depressed.  And I would tell her “no because I don’t have what I consider the typical signs of depression.”  It was not until this spring that I was willing to admit that my counselor was right.  When I really looked at what happened and how I coped with things, reality is that I was going through a depression and I did not even know it.  And when I was asked about it, I was not willing to admit it.  There were several reasons as to why I wasn’t willing to admit it.

Part of it was pride – I was the one people come to when they needed help.

Part of it was stigma of society – There is a stigma that society carries about depression and everything that comes with it.

Part of it was that I had to admit that I was weak and that I do not have it all together. – For all my adult life, I had been this strong and independent woman because I had to be.  And admitting that I was depressed was admitting that I am not as strong as I thought because I could not do it on my own.

In this last couple months, I was really honest with myself and where I truly was and am at emotionally.  And I have come to realize that it is ok for me to admit this.  Because when I admit this.  I am admitting that I can not do life alone and that I need my Creator to lead me through this journey.

And that in my darkest moments, He is right there with me.  “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

He has the clarity and direction that I need.  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

He has the provision that I need.  “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

He has this unconditional love that I need.  “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39

He has the peace that I need.  ” Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

He has the joy I need. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11

He has the strength I need. “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; shall run and not be weary; shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

He has a plan for me and my life even in my broken and empty state.  “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

 

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Enough

On March 23, 2019 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

Ever had God shows you a glimpse of where you are going next? And when He does this for us most of the time our response is to not step into it or even take steps towards it.  Because it is the unknown and most of the time we fear the unknown.  Fear has been my response.  And He has had to give me definite signs time and time again that there is the direction He wants me to go in the last two years.

One of the signs was in 2017, I applied for graduate school and did not get accepted in it.  Granted by the time that I got my answer I was hoping that I would not get accepted because I knew I needed to invest into an idea I had for my business.  Because I knew that if I did not see where it went that I was going to regret it.  In the the last year, I have had multiple opportunities where others invested in my business and me.  Each time it confirmed the direction that He had for me.

But through this all I still struggled with myself and the direction that God has called me to.  I struggled with myself because I love my career in social work and the community I work in.  And I love visual storytelling and photography especially with elderly.  There was this tension between the two because I felt that if I leave social work I am leaving a career that I have built and love for over 10 years.  And I was letting myself and others around me down by leaving social work.  But I knew that if I did not see where my business might go that I was going to regret that and I could not live with that. (I don’t live life with too many regrets.)  Last summer I realized that I could merge the two in my business.  I could do coaching and mentoring with other business owners especially with visual storytelling and photography.

Fear and feelings of inadequacy has been my next struggle when it comes to pursuing my business as a full time gig.  I have stability with my career in social work.  And leaving that stability scares me!  For those that don’t know, I am single.  That means that I am the only bread winner in my household.  I do not have a significant other to fall back on financially if the business would not work out.  So I need to make sure that I when make the transition from social work career to entrepreneurship that I must an revenue that can support me and my business.  When I think of the revenue that is needed for this, fear and inadequacy kicks in overdrive.  This will then paralyzes me to the point that I don’t do anything.  It is then that I realize that I am relying on my own independence (man, independence is a STRONG streak in me! Anyone else have this issue?) and that I am not relaying on Him.  I know that these are struggles that everyone goes through and can identify with.

The last 4 months has been a season that has challenged almost everything in every area of my life.  But the growth that I have had in this season has been tremendous and I am have the deepest relationship with God than I ever have had.  And it would be easy for me to not work on my business in this season because of everything that is going on.  But this season has also confirmed the direction that full time entrepreneurship is something I want and something He has for me in the future.

The other day I was journaling and God told me this “You may feel inadequate or that you are not good enough or that you do not know enough or imposter syndrome is kicking in but I knew all this and I still gave you this dream.  I still gave you a new purpose.  I am enough to conquer all fears, inadequacies and imposter syndrome.  Rely on me because I am enough.  They are all there when you started anything new in life especially in social work. But you relied on me, pushed through those things and did it scared.  Because I am enough it makes you enough to be able to do what I have called you to do next.”

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

These verses show that God’s promised are true and that He wants His best for me.  And that I should not fear when He calls me to new places because He is walking the journey with me, He goes before me and that when I am walking in His purpose for me things will work out according to His will.

When you are called to new things, is your response okay lets go God or is it a response of fear?

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God celebrates baby steps

On November 17, 2017 by marloandco With 0 Comments - loved by the Father, Uncategorized

Sometimes in life we think that we need to have do big milestones before we can celebrate or before God celebrates with us.  And because of this we become paralyzed and might not start anything at all.  Or we don’t think baby steps that we started are worth celebrating.

But in reality God celebrates every step we take.  And He especially celebrates the baby steps.  Sometimes the hardest steps are the baby steps because it may mean the beginning of something new.  Many times, there is uncertainty in it.  Which requires us to trust in God when we are taking these first baby steps.

These baby steps could lead to a milestone in our lives.  For me one of my milestones in my life is to be the first one in my family to graduate from high school and college.  While these are great accomplishments and God celebrated with me when they were accomplished!  But God also celebrated every time I was dedicated to study for a class.  Studying for a class is many baby steps of a larger goal of getting a diploma.

It is hard for me to fathom in my human brain that God has the time to care about my baby steps.  The amazing thing is that I don’t need to figure that out for me to celebrate my baby steps.  As a human, we are not meant to put God in a box.  And this is something we do often when we try to figure out God.  So, when I put aside my human rationalization, it is exciting for me that I have Father who created the universe rooting for me and celebrating every step of my journey.

As society, I believe we do not celebrate enough. There are many examples in the Bible of celebration.  “We see celebration not only here in Nehemiah 12, as Israel dedicated the wall, but we also see celebration throughout the Bible. The shepherds, wise men, and angels celebrated the birth of Jesus with gifts, songs, and prayer. God gave Israel many celebrations in the Old Covenant such as the Feast of Booths, year of Jubilee, etc. In the New Covenant, he has given us the Lord’s Supper and baptism. We also see future celebrations such as the wedding of the Lamb and the wedding feast with Abraham.”  We sometimes think it is trivial to celebrate the baby steps.  Baby steps give us the hope to keep going to the next steps.  And eventually many baby steps lead to a milestone goal completed.

So celebrate baby steps whether they are yours or someone else’s because our Creator celebrates them!

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Dreams

On January 20, 2017 by marloandco With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Last week my Pastor was preaching on the woman at the well (John 4:1-18).  He was talking about her history and where she was at that point in her life.  This woman was ridiculed by people in her community.  Because of this she would go to the well when no one else was there.

One thing that my Pastor brought up was this woman may have quit dreaming and thinking that her future could be better than what it was.  But one day Jesus met her at the well and changed her life.  My Pastor then asked us “did you quit dreaming.”  This question got me thinking.  I realized in the last couple years I somewhat quit dreaming. And when I did dream I would think of a reason why it wouldn’t work.  I also had become complacent in my life especially professionally.  I put my own ceiling on my career and my life.  But by doing this I put limits of myself and on God.

But with some changes in the last couple, this has caused me to start dreaming again.  And  this week, I was challenged to reflect over the last couple years and where my mindset was at that time.  This reflection has made to start dreaming with limits because I serve a God who is limitless.  I am no longer going to look at my dreams through the lens of my past failures and hurts.  I am excited to dream again and continue making my dreams come true.

What dreams are you not pursuing because of your past, your current circumstances or the limits you put on yourself?  So start dreaming, let the Father run with your dreams and take you to places you never imagined.

 

 

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