Posts in Category: loved by the Father
8. When Waiting Gets Tiring…
Have you ever waited for something for a while and it takes longer than you expected it to be? You think I have waited long enough and whatever you are waiting on can come to fruition anytime now. This is where I was a couple weeks ago.
Part of my season of rest has been waiting for God to lead me to my next step. It is easy to say “I am good and just trusting God.” when asked how are life is going. But then there are times that this isn’t true. In the beginning, the waiting wasn’t that bad. But after a couple months of resting and waiting on God’s timing, it caught up to me.
It was a Monday afternoon and I was watching a Steve Harvey clip that came up on my Facebook. In this clip, Steve talked about how God got him to where he is today and that if God can do it for him then God can do it for you too. And as I heard those words tears started to come to my eyes. I realized at that moment the waiting in this season was being to wear on me. And that even though I trust God and His timing for my life, I realized in that moment I was starting to doubt. I was getting tired of my season. In this season of rest, I have gotten so many no’s and the no’s started to wear on my spirit and emotions.
I started to doubt and question… If I had done the right thing by quitting my job with no job in sight? Was that really what God wanted me to do? Was it what I needed to do for myself?
That night I went to the Bible study and we chose one person to share what we were struggling with. And when it was my turn, part of me wanted to just shut down what I was feeling but I knew I needed to share. As I began to share with my friend, tears came to my eyes again and they kept coming as I talked about my feelings and doubts. After my friend prayed for me and I shed some tears, I felt better. My doubts and feelings were still there but after that I was reminded that I was not alone in my journey.
I realized it is ok for me to have these doubts and feelings but it is what I do with them that is the important part. If I decided to dwell on my doubts and feeling rather than sharing them with someone else and giving them to God. It would have lead to worry, worry to anxiety, and anxiety to stress. Worry, stress and anxiety robs us of our peace and joy.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:25-34
7. Rest
At the beginning of this year, the words God gave me for this year was rest and trust. In January, I had no idea how that would how literally this would play out in my life this year. And honestly when God gave me these words I did not understand why He gave them to me.
Ten weeks ago when I quit my job, my plan was to take a week off (that was going to packed full of things) and then start a new job the next week. Key words here is MY PLAN. Not God’s plan. I did have a job offer but I turned it down for numerous reasons. So I ended my last job with no new job. During the week after I quit my job, God pressed it on my heart to take a significant amount of time off before I start something else and for me to go away by myself.
In the first month of not working, I had no desire to work any job. And it caught me by surprise that I did not want to work. Anyone that knows me personally knows working is something that I have always done and I see value in it. And it would give me anxiety when I do not have an ongoing income to pay bills and live on. But not having the desire to work showed me that I needed this time to rest. I needed time for my physical body, emotional being and my spiritual being to be able to rest and heal.
Six weeks after I quit my job, I went on vacation by myself for 12 days! Yes, you read that right, I went by myself to the Finger Lakes region in New York. During this time I was able to sight see, meet up with a total stranger to trade a photoshoot, I visited a new church twice, chased the sunset one night, try iced custard made out of duck eggs, sit at a local coffee shop and work on my business for a few days, read a couple books, go see a movie alone, reconnect with some family that was in the area, and most importantly I took the time to connect with God and listen to his voice. Where I was staying there was not internet or TV to distract me from hearing God’s voice. In these 12 days God spoke to me and I learned what it means to rest and just stop without rushing to the next thing.
I am grateful for this season of rest. I do not regret that I took time for this season. It was a season that I needed. In this season, God has provided for me in more than just finances. And He has given me clarity and direction as to where He has called me to. He met me in the moments that I was anxious and unsure that I had done the right thing. He has spoken to me through the Bible, my time with Him and through other people. God has walked with me through this season of rest and healing.
Out of this season I have gained and learned some things:
- I have joy again.
- I truly have peace now.
- I am happy again.
- I have learned more about myself.
- I have learned more about who God created me to be.
- I have learned more about how broken I truly was and how other people saw it in me.
- I have learned that I had even deceived myself about my brokenness and emotional state.
- I have a deeper relationship with God than I have ever had.
- I have learned to rest and the importance of it.
- I have learned to trust and have faith in God in a new way.
- I have learned more about community and how it is crucial to have.
- I have a zeal for life again.
- I am starting to utilize my creativity again.
- I have learned that my brokenness does not mean that my story is over.
It is important to take time to rest and take time alone for anyone but especially for those in ministry or in a profession that helps others.
“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
“Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.” (John 6:15)
Jesus did this on a regular basis. And if Jesus had to do this how much more important is it for us humans. We need to have a rhythm and focus in our life that allows us to have rest and focus on our relationship with God. We need to slow down in life and not always be rushing off to the next thing. While you may not be able to take time off of work for a couple months to rest like I have; it is still important to integrate rest in our lives in a regular basis.
***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about my burnout and things I have been learning through this. They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***
50 Years of Choosing You
Howard and Edie celebrated being married for 50th years. This is 50 years of choosing to serve God and each other. They have built a legacy that is great. I loved watching how they interacted with each other and how they are still in love after so many years. As in any other relationship they have had the good times and the not so good times. In all that they still chose to choose each other.
This is their wedding day picture and the original cake topper.
They recommitted their love for each other with a vow renewal service.
“And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” — Kiersten White (The Chaos of Stars)
I love listening to their family and friends talking about Howard and Edie. Part of they legacy is their children and grandchildren.
Venue: Houston Run Community Center
Flowers: Florals in Time
Photography: Marlo & Co
Meet Marilyn
I realized that I never did an introduction blog post about me. So here it is; along with an announcement about some changes that are coming to the blog.
My name is Marilyn. I am the creator of this blog and Marlo & Co.
Photo credit: Acorns + Aperture
I am an aunt to a small tribe of nieces and nephews. They keep me young and love to hang out with me. I love creating memories with them.
I am a business owner of Marlo & Co. I love to celebrate stories. I identify myself as a photographer and storyteller. I love to hear other people’s stories and love to capture them. I believe that everyone has a story to tell and that their story matters. My favorite way I do this is through my Rocking Chair Story Session. This is a session where I get to sit down and listen to a senior’s story then capture it in a book that is created just for them.
My love for seniors started at a young age. My great grandparents lived with my grandparents. I look back at the memories that we made and love that I got to spend time with them as a child. Once of my memories is asking my great grandfather to hold a doll for us while we played. He hated this doll. We knew this and I think we did this to see the look of annoyance on his face.
If you have been following this blog for anytime, this blog talks about my faith and relationship with God. This is one of the most important relationships that I have in my life. I am grateful that the Creator of the universe wants to have a relationship with me through Jesus. And that I do not have to do life alone. If you want to know more about this, just ask me!
Talking about relationships, I love relationships! I have been created to be a very relational person and love to spend time with those around me. If you ever meet me in person and or work with me, most likely we will become friends. I believe we are all created for relationships and community with each other.
This is one of my favorite people, Danielle, and myself at a concert in the middle of February.
In May 2019, I retired from the social work field. I was in it for 10.5 years. I loved every moment of it. I left the social work field because of burnout. I did not realize how real and intense burnout can be until I experienced it. I am still recovering from it. I have taken time off to just rest in God and to just be. I am currently writing a blog series on my experience of burnout. Here is the link for first post in my burnout series.
I am essentially starting all over in life right now. It is a weird but exciting feeling to be doing this in my mid thirties. I get to recreate what I want my life to look like. This is something that not everyone gets the privilege to do so. Or rather are too scared to do so because of the unknown. Living in the unknown has its moments but I would not want to be in any other spot than this right now at this moment because God is teaching me valuable lessons that I will carry with me and share with others.
Fun facts about me:
Tacos are my love language!
I love red shoes and red lipstick.
Traveling and exploring new places is one of my favorite things to do.
Certified by state of Pennsylvania for floriculture and horticulture.
My first language/dialect was PA Dutch not English.
I have a hidden talent of sarcasm and silliness (only comes out when I am comfortable with you).
I bought my sister and her family a van for Christmas last year!
I am the oldest of 4 girls.
I am an introvert.
So…. here is my announcement! I am going to be making some changes to this blog. I will still write about my relationship with God and what I am learning along the way. But I am going to add more content. This content will show more of me as a whole rather than just one side of me. It will include blog posts from my work as a photographer/storyteller and some fun personal things. I will include more photos with the blog posts than I do now. I am excited to share these topics with you!
I want you to do one thing so I can meet you! Share a fun fact about yourself in the comments so I can get to know you!
Emotions & God’s truth
“Way maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God
That is who you are” – Way Maker
Yesterday I got news that a friend died from cancer. He leaves behind a wife, family and friends who are grieving his death. Tonight at church I had a hard time singing these lyrics to this song as I was processing my friend’s death. All a sudden I could not sing these words because I started to question why God did not heal my friend. If He is the miracle worker and promise keeper, why did He not heal my friend on this earth so that his family and friends do not need to feel this pain of him not being on this earth anymore?
There are many questions you ask when you are grieving and hurting. And it is hard to understand why God did not heal my friend on this earth. Why did my friend’s healing needed to include his death on earth? Why did he have to die at such young age? Why does his family and friends have to go through this pain? I do not have answers for these questions. I am a person that likes to know why. I do not know why my friend died and this truth is hard to grapple with.
Death has a hurt associated with it on earth as we as humans grieve a loss. Because this pain hurts and it is so real. I have felt it in the past and feel it now. Emotions are real and they are given to us by God to help process and experience life. But sometimes we have to be careful that we do not get caught in the hamster wheel of hopelessness when we are processing and experiencing our emotions.
In a time of grief, we can feel hopeless in our pain. But reality is that we can feel hope in a hopeless time. Tonight as a wrote out what I was feeling in my planner, I came to the conclusion that Jesus is my hope. Because He the source of my hope, I can have hope even when it seems hopeless. He does not break His promises to us. He is the source of miracles whether they are received here on earth or in heaven. He is a way maker when it seems like there is no way out. And my feelings do not negate these truths in this moment or any other moment.
Hannah in the Bible experienced this. In the midst of her pain of being barren, she cried out to God with her emotions but she anchored her hope in God even though her situation and pain did not change immediately. Her situation was hopeless and seemed impossible. Eventually she did receive her miracle of a son.
“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” 1 Samuel 1:10-20
So tonight as I write this blog post, I may not understand why my friend’s death occurred. And the emotions I am feeling are real but tonight I chose to believe God’s truth over my emotions. And I choose to anchor my hope in Jesus because He helps to carry my emotions as I walk this journey in what may seem hopeless at times.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE_M9noEhNE&w=560&h=315]
6. Broken
I remember the day that I had my way up call, I remember feeling so broken. Like there wasn’t anything that could take all my broken pieces that I felt that day and make sense of them let alone put that back together. I felt like glass that was shattered into a million shards of glass. I wasn’t sure what to do with my brokenness that day. Along with feeling broken, I felt empty and tired like there was not left in me anymore to give. Looking back I realize that being broken is where He wanted me because it meant that I was at the end of my rope. And I could no longer do anything to fix the broken pieces within me because I did not have the energy or the desire to do so.
In the midst of this broken feeling, I knew I needed to give the feeling of brokenness to God. I had to rely on Him completely. At this point with feeling the way I did that day, it meant that I was at the point that I was willing to surrender and possibly walk away from everything I knew career wise. Because He was and is the only one that can take my broken, empty and tired self and make me whole again. I knew that He would start by taking my shatter pieces, putting them together to make sense of my brokenness and that it would eventually create a beautiful picture again.
“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
While giving to this feeling of brokenness to God, did not change anything physically and emotionally about my situation that day. But it did mean that I did not have to walk alone through this journey of becoming whole again and that He is going to heal my brokenness.
“Even when times are rough and you are in ‘deep waters’ God will be right by your side, leading and guiding you through your worst.” Isaiah 43:2
***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about my burnout and things I have been learning through this. They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***
3. Fear and Anxiety
About two days after I gave my notice at work that I was quitting on May 23rd, the fear and anxiety set in. That Wednesday morning at work, I was feeling anxious to the point it was the closest thing I ever felt to anxiety attack. My muscles in my back tensed up and the tension lasted for days.
These questions kept coming up in my mind.
What did I do? I am leaving a job and a career that I love and is stable. I am giving up my comfort and stability by quitting my job.
How am I going to pay my bills?
Am I going to be homeless? Am I going to lose my car because I can’t pay my car payment?
And the questions and thoughts went on and on.
That morning I kept telling myself God’s truth and that He was going to provide for me because I was following His will. It frustrated me that anxiety was winning that morning and for the few days after. Because no matter how much I tried to apply God’s truth in my life, it didn’t seem to help. I hated that my emotions were over shadowing the truth I knew. But that morning and the few days to follow, I did know that even in the midst of this anxiety; I had a peace that I made the right decision about my future.
The fear and anxiety is not something I was prepared because I have peace in my decision. And this fear and anxiety is something that came and went in my last couple weeks of work. I am sure it will come and go again as I try to figure out the next steps that God has for me next.
Sometime after me giving my notice at work, God gave me a visual for this season of life. The first phase of the visual is that God is holding my hand and leading me into my future. But I can only see up to His wrist and the rest of Him and what is ahead of me is covered with a dense fog that I can’t see anything else but His hand holding mine.
A few weeks after this morning, I was at church and it was the first time that I admitted to myself and God that I am scared for this new season of life. A season of unknowns, a season of trusting in God and a season of peace. That night is where God lifted a little more of the dense fog in the visual He has given me for this season. I could see up to His shoulder and a few days after I could see up to the back of His head as He is leading me. He is leading me like a Father leads a child. And this child is in complete trust of the Father because the child knows that the Father has the best intentions for the child. The Father will provide safety and provisions for the child.
***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about burnout and things I have been learning through this. They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***
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