Recently I have been faced with one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my adult life. While I am still in the midst of it all, there are a few things I have learned in last couple weeks.
He is here with me in my sadness.
He is here with me in the joyous moments.
He is here with me in the moments that I don’t understand.
He is here with me when I pretend to be ok and ignore my feelings.
He is here with me when I don’t understand my feelings and can’t put a name to it.
There is a song that I have been identifying with the last couple weeks.
Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok
‘Cause the One who holds the world is holding onto me
Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right
‘Cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life
“Maybe It’s Ok”by We are Messengers.
While I don’t know when this will end, I do know that God with me in the midst of the storm. He is teaching me new things in this storm. I trust Him in the midst of the storm.
If you are going through a hard season in life, look at what you can learn through it all. Look to the peace in the storm rather than focusing on the storm.
Last night I experienced something at church that I did not understand but yet there was a peace and sweetness about it. When worship started, I felt the need to walk away from the crowd and find a spot to sit against the wall. At my seat I started to get teary eyed. But once I sat down against the wall on the floor in the back of the room, the tears started and did not stop. As I sat there in my Father’s presence, I could not figure out why I was crying. Rather than getting frustrated I just sat in the presence of God and let the tears fall.
During the time of me being present with my Creator, the only word that came to me was healing. And two images came to mind. The first image was my Father standing there with His arms open for an embrace. The next image was me laying my head against the Father as if I was an embrace with Him.
While I was sitting there, I remembering wishing someone would come to pray with me. I then felt the need to go to the next steps room for prayer during worship and I told God “I am not sure what I am asking for prayer, since I do not know why I was crying and I don’t know what is going on right now.” A still voice said to me “You don’t need to know. I know and I will give the person the words to say.”
I walked up to a friend, she hugged me and asked me “if everything is ok?” I explained to her that I have no explanation for my tears, I can not stop crying and that I am not sure what was going on but I feel the need for prayer. The Holy Spirit was right! He did give her the words to pray and the exact words that I needed.
All this to say, sometimes God does something that we have no idea what is happening but through it there is a peace and sweetness. I still am not completely sure what happened last night and I pray that I will understand someday. But even if I never know what last night meant, I would do it all over again just to spend time in His presence. There was a peace and sweetness in His presence that I want to experience over and over again!