Posts Tagged: healing
Lessons in the Storm
Recently I have been faced with one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my adult life. While I am still in the midst of it all, there are a few things I have learned in last couple weeks.
- I have learned that no matter what my circumstances are God never changes, His love for me never changes and His character never changes. Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” And in life’s hardest moments, He remains faithful. He is here as a quiet still and peaceful presence through the storm.
He is here with me in my sadness.
He is here with me in the joyous moments.
He is here with me in the moments that I don’t understand.
He is here with me when I pretend to be ok and ignore my feelings.
He is here with me when I don’t understand my feelings and can’t put a name to it.
- I have learned that having community/relationships is so vital to get through life. And it is in community that I have be vulnerable. In being willing to share with others and I realize that I am are not alone. Being vulnerable is risky but it is so worth it. There is healing that can happen for myself and the other person(s) when I am vulnerable.
- Allowing the community to love and care for me is important. I am good at caring for others but I am not always good at letting others care for me. When I don’t allow others to do this for me, it robs them of the gift to care for me. And as humans, we are created for relationship and community. And a healthy community cares for each other.
- I have learned to live in a tension of not knowing the truth but while still dealing with my emotions that may or may not be based out of reality. It is not an easy tension to live in but is a necessary tension for me to live in. But as I live in this tension I also rest in God. I rest because I trust in Him as He can see whole puzzle and I only see my pieces and those pieces around me.
- I have learned to admit that I am not ok when I am not ok. And that life is hard sometimes. And this is a hard for me to learn. I have kept a protective wall around me that not many people pass through in general, especially when I am not doing ok emotionally. I have learned in life to have this wall there because of past hurts and it is easier to not let people in when there is a chance to be hurt again. But when I keep people at an arm’s length, I am only putting myself on an island. In this island, I am on my own trying to survive and it is much harder than it needs to be sometimes. And if I take myself off the island and take down the wall, I will not be alone and I will have others who will be there to walk beside me in life.
There is a song that I have been identifying with the last couple weeks.
Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok
‘Cause the One who holds the world is holding onto me
Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right
‘Cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life
“Maybe It’s Ok”by We are Messengers.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl5GcRrJLyw&w=560&h=315]
- I have learned that grief and sadness goes in ebbs and flows. While I am ok most of the time, there are moments where it will comes what seems like out of nowhere. And I have learned to allow myself experience the emotion that comes with it but not allow myself to stay there longer than I need to be.
- I have learned to praise God in the midst of the storm. It is in the storm that the praise is even more sweeter than when the storm ceases. When I praise God in the midst of the storm, I am putting my eyes on Him rather than the storm. He is more powerful than the storm that is in my life. He provides peace in the midst of the storm.
While I don’t know when this will end, I do know that God with me in the midst of the storm. He is teaching me new things in this storm. I trust Him in the midst of the storm.
If you are going through a hard season in life, look at what you can learn through it all. Look to the peace in the storm rather than focusing on the storm.
Unexplained Tears
Last night I experienced something at church that I did not understand but yet there was a peace and sweetness about it. When worship started, I felt the need to walk away from the crowd and find a spot to sit against the wall. At my seat I started to get teary eyed. But once I sat down against the wall on the floor in the back of the room, the tears started and did not stop. As I sat there in my Father’s presence, I could not figure out why I was crying. Rather than getting frustrated I just sat in the presence of God and let the tears fall.
During the time of me being present with my Creator, the only word that came to me was healing. And two images came to mind. The first image was my Father standing there with His arms open for an embrace. The next image was me laying my head against the Father as if I was an embrace with Him.
While I was sitting there, I remembering wishing someone would come to pray with me. I then felt the need to go to the next steps room for prayer during worship and I told God “I am not sure what I am asking for prayer, since I do not know why I was crying and I don’t know what is going on right now.” A still voice said to me “You don’t need to know. I know and I will give the person the words to say.”
I walked up to a friend, she hugged me and asked me “if everything is ok?” I explained to her that I have no explanation for my tears, I can not stop crying and that I am not sure what was going on but I feel the need for prayer. The Holy Spirit was right! He did give her the words to pray and the exact words that I needed.
All this to say, sometimes God does something that we have no idea what is happening but through it there is a peace and sweetness. I still am not completely sure what happened last night and I pray that I will understand someday. But even if I never know what last night meant, I would do it all over again just to spend time in His presence. There was a peace and sweetness in His presence that I want to experience over and over again!
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